3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
