Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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