Pants 0. Shit 1.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
