well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
there is glitter all over my balls
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
