You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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