My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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