Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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