im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
