I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
