i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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