More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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