I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
