so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
