if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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