Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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