Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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