I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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