Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
