Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
