you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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