and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
