my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
