I hate all girls vehemently.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
