Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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