Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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