Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I supernannyed him into submission
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
