Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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