i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
