dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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