oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
