i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
