I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
