fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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