It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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