So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
