I hate your face
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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