how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
