Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
