You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
