why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
