White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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