I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
