Moan for me like Helen Keller
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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