Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
