my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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