The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
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