It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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