Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
