I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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