that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
