Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
