there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
