I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
