You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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